


Dear Zoe Murphy

by wildekinder



Series: I Wish It Was That Simple [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, evan feels bad, evan hates evan, im a poet haha, this is all about after the show takes place, zoe hates evan, zoe is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 13:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18366992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildekinder/pseuds/wildekinder
Summary: Zoe didn’t trust Evan. Not even a little. Not anymore. Not after what he did. Which is what made it even more strange when she decided to meet Evan for a second time after he revealed his lie.





	Dear Zoe Murphy

Zoe didn’t trust Evan. Not even a little. Not anymore. Not after what he did. Which is what made it even more strange when she decided to meet Evan for a second time after he revealed his lie. But he said he was better, he said he had visited Connor’s grave, a lot. He said he apologized to Connor. Well, he said he had apologized to everyone. He had a hand written letter to the most important people in this situation, he said. And he wanted to deliver her’s in person. He wanted to see her face when she read it. He said he didn’t expect her to accept his apology, that she shouldn’t accept it, really. He just wanted to know and see how she really felt.   
  
So, she said yes.   
  
Evan decided where they would meet, this time: À La Mode. Another place he lied about.   
  
When she pulled into the parking lot, she noticed Evan standing by the door in a windbreaker, his hands shoved into his pocket as he made an effort to stay warm.   
  
She took a deep breath as she got out of her car and walked up to Evan. “Are you insane? It’s freezing out here, why are you not sitting in your car!”   
  
_ Why do you sound so worried? Why do you even care? _

 

“I-I just wanted to make sure you knew I was here and I wanted to see you coming in and-”

 

“Whatever, let’s just go inside.”

 

Evan nodded and opened the door, entering before Zoe, who followed right behind.

 

“I have to tell you, Evan, ice cream in the middle of January is a lot of cold.”

 

Evan nodded. “Yeah, but you love ice cream. And this is my favorite ice cream place.”

 

_ Why does he remember that. Why does he have to remember good things I told him during our relationship. _

 

Zoe stayed silent as they walked up to the counter, letting Evan order first, then ordering her’s. She didn’t protest when Evan paid for both.

 

They sat down across from each other at a table and ate their ice cream in relative silence, only looking at each other by accident.

 

When they finished, Evan was the first to speak, “Let’s just do what we came here to do.”

 

He pulled out a piece of lined paper that was folded semi-neatly as many times as possible and handed it to Zoe.

 

_ Dear Zoe Murphy, _

_ I won’t say I miss you because that isn’t fair to you, and I don’t deserve to miss you. What I will say is I’ve done a lot of changing, a lot of growing. I visit Connor’s grave every so often in an attempt to make up for exploiting him. I don’t think it’s made much of a difference, except maybe making myself feel better. I read all his favorite books like I said I would. I feel like I understand him more. We were very similar, you know, me and Connor? We were similar in ways you don’t even know or understand and I wish you never do. _

_ But this letter isn’t about Connor. It isn’t about anything but us, what we were. _

_ I messed up, a lot. I took a life-long crush on a dead boy’s sister and let it manifest into a relationship built around a lie. I was wrong. I put you and your family into the worst position, and none of you came out and talked about what I did. And, I never quite understood why. But, thank you. And I’m sorry. For making you seem like such an awful sister. People thought you were the reason Connor committed suicide. And you were dating me. They thought you didn’t care about our friendship. Our fake friendship. _

 

Zoe dropped the note and covered her face with her hands, tears falling from her eyes faster than she could even comprehend. Evan sat across from her, his breath caught in his throat as he watched her take a full ten minutes to recover.

 

When she did, she lifted her head up, looked him directly in the eye, and whispered, “I hate you.”

 

Evan nodded, knowing he deserved that. Zoe lifted the letter up again, which was now covered in tears, and continued reading.

 

_ God, I ruined you. And you just let me live my happy life. But it wasn’t happy, it was miserable. Until I threw myself back into The Connor Project. You don’t know this, Zoe, but The Connor Project is still thriving. And I’m still running the website. Alana helps. She knows the truth, too. I told her, it didn’t feel right if she didn’t know. And it took her a long time to come around. But she did. Now we go to high schools sometimes and talk to students. We tell them Connor’s story, up to his death. And we don’t include my name. I have so many letters for you. From those kids. And I’m going to give them to you, someday. _

_ This letter has been all over the place, I know. But what I really want to say is, I hope you thrive. I hope you live up to everything I know you can be. And I will always be here for you, Zoe Murphy. Always. _

 

Zoe nodded as she folded the letter back up and stuck it in one of the pockets of her coat.

 

“Thank you for that, Evan. I know a lot more, now.”

 

Evan nodded and stood up.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I’m getting ready to leave.”

 

Zoe shook her head and looked between him and the seat he had been previously sitting in. “I want to talk now, for real. About everything. Sit.”

 

It was more of a command than an invitation, but it was better than Zoe being angry. And she wasn’t angry. She truly just wanted to feel this situation out, see if Evan really was the boy she had, regretfully, fallen in love with two years ago.

 

And it was going to be a  _ long  _ night.


End file.
